The Surprising Brain Hack that Saved this Writer. As a memoir writer, I've spent most of my adult life writing about trauma. What I didn't realize was how this process was re-traumatizing me with each word I wrote.
Wow. I tried to get my HMO to pay for neurofeedback for my PTSD, but they wouldn’t, and then I gave up. Writing my current book is a long, ongoing trigger. Maybe I’ll look into paying out-of-pocket once I’m in a more financially secure place. Thank you.
Esme, I'm touched that you would comment and share here. You have such a powerful gift as a writer but also such a powerful struggle with wellness in this life. It's heartbreaking to read about and when I do, I cannot help but think about my beloved daughter having to go through what you face and my sorrow is doubled. I also know that my heartbreak, no matter the size, is nothing compared to your reality. I can only say how very sorry I am. I was raised with an extraordinarily ill mother who had a dictionary sized medical file by the time she died. I have a tiny inkling of how challenging this path is for you (and those nearest). Neurofeedback is remarkable and there are ways to get around the cost (out of pocket). Crowd funding, working with the provider, prayer, but no matter what happens in that vein, I'm holding you in my heart as you journey forward. 💗 I will watch, read, and hope with and for your.
This is such a kind reply. It makes me feel less alone, and I thank you for that. You’re a special person, and your words are powerful ones. Thank you.
I am a new subscriber to your Substack Esme, so I am not familiar with your story yet. I have complex PTSD and I too did not get coverage for the recent work I did this summer (I've commented below). I spoke to my husband and we agreed we'd go into debt to fund it. Not ideal, but it has been worth it ten-fold. I don't appear to be triggered anymore. I've even been 'testing' myself over the last month. Mostly because I can't really believe it. I don't truly trust yet that it won't rear it's ugly head, but something happened with my brain. I do feel like I can finally start thinking about working again (which will be helpful for the debt I incurred). But for now, writing is the salve. I wish you well on your journey and especially writing your current book. I can only imagine how difficult it is with the long, ongoing trigger. Hugs to you from Canada. (I'll start catching up on your writing and upgrade my subscription to paid in support!) xo
I’m so moved by your story and that the work that you’ve done has had such a major impact. Thank you for sharing it with me. I wish you the best moving forward—you are brave and you are strong. Keep going. You’re doing great.
Great stuff! Have you heard of Neuroptimal? I wonder if it’s the same principle. In any case it’s helped me ax had Yoga Nidra. But k think I need a lot more neuroptimal sessions or to try neurofeedback. I have horrific medical and travel PTSD.
Jennifer, thank you for your beautiful and encouraging piece. I began doing neurofeedback in tangent with other physical neuro and physical modalities this fall. I sit and watch a Netflix show of my choice with electrodes on my scalp, and headphones that modulate the volume. When the laptop is set my brain records levels of inflammation shown by a few colored graph lines on the laptop. I'm 72, an adoptee, and hemorrhagic stroke suvivor (at 57). I recognize your trauma responses in myself. I, too put my stories on the page; memoirs about my stroke journey, and recently about my life as an adopted Air Force daughter. Memoir hasn't healed me, but has been a way to examine, release, and discover. I hope for good results with the therapies--it seems to be working. All the best to you!
Thank you for this share! It looks like you got lost in the abyss of Substack comments… And I’m only seeing it now. But again thank you so much for your share. And I’m so sorry for your suffering.
Yay! 'm so glad neurofeedback has been so effective for you, Jennifer! I looked into it when you told me about it last year but it costs and arm and a leg here so for now, I'm mediating. And writing of course. But the meditation has been incredibly helpful. I'm currently following Dr. Joe Dispenza's method and since I started its been like a spiritual water main has burst. Several relationship that weren't serving me fell away, I made seven (!) new female friends (which in the past was a rarity for me as I typically only allowed myself to get close to men), and best of all my writing has taken off. Weeeee!
I also recently met someone recently who's using nurofeedback to treat epilepsy. I'm very curious to hear how it goes. And I can't wait to try it someday!
Whoa! Weird! I wrote this comment 8 months ago and forgot about it. Then last week my fiancé was talking to a neurofeedback practitioner that told him about a machine that is safe enough to rent and try on your own. Just yesterday we decided to go for it. Then this morning I asked for a synchronicity to let me know if I was on the right path. I open my email to this. Ask and you shall receive! :D
Man…be careful. Call Noel. I’ll get her number on back end…Tell her you’re a student of mine. Tell her what you’re going to do… And ask for her advice. I don’t want to tell you what to do but… I would be very careful. It’s your brain you’re dealing with.
The blessing for me was and still is medication; the right medication. In the 1970's this did not exist. Valium just made me sleepy. In 2005 however I weaned myself off because I felt great. Sure. I was great because of the medication. For a few months I was fine but slowly the anxiety, agoraphobia and panic returned like gangbusters. Definitely a period to write about. I came as close as I ever want to be to a nervous breakdown. I am so happy for you to have found what has helped you.
Right? As soon as everything started changing, and so quickly, I was crafting this post in my mind. Gosh, I hope it helps. But it's hard to trust in this cynical world. I
It sounds like our spring, summer and fall mirrored each others. And results are same! I too started reading BKTS this Spring, started an intense 12 week CPT therapy (cognitive process therapy) with daily homework (June-September) followed by EMDR (one session in October.) I immediately felt the full effects of all the re-wiring of the summer after my EMDR session.
Isn’t magnificent to feel the calm and be able to function. It really does feel like a miracle. I’m so happy for you.
Yes! Kim, they say we are living the same lives. And it's odd because a comment like this makes me realize it's true. We are all on the same journey's to different degrees. I'm so happy for your own process. Bravo. Bravo.
Hi Kelly: No I haven’t heard of Neuroptimal. I’m certain that there are all sorts of things out there that are spinning off of the primary creation. That’s the nature of it. But I do have two links on the website website and they are super helpful. I’ll add them here. These are the resources I would recommend.
Wow. I tried to get my HMO to pay for neurofeedback for my PTSD, but they wouldn’t, and then I gave up. Writing my current book is a long, ongoing trigger. Maybe I’ll look into paying out-of-pocket once I’m in a more financially secure place. Thank you.
Esme, I'm touched that you would comment and share here. You have such a powerful gift as a writer but also such a powerful struggle with wellness in this life. It's heartbreaking to read about and when I do, I cannot help but think about my beloved daughter having to go through what you face and my sorrow is doubled. I also know that my heartbreak, no matter the size, is nothing compared to your reality. I can only say how very sorry I am. I was raised with an extraordinarily ill mother who had a dictionary sized medical file by the time she died. I have a tiny inkling of how challenging this path is for you (and those nearest). Neurofeedback is remarkable and there are ways to get around the cost (out of pocket). Crowd funding, working with the provider, prayer, but no matter what happens in that vein, I'm holding you in my heart as you journey forward. 💗 I will watch, read, and hope with and for your.
This is such a kind reply. It makes me feel less alone, and I thank you for that. You’re a special person, and your words are powerful ones. Thank you.
I am a new subscriber to your Substack Esme, so I am not familiar with your story yet. I have complex PTSD and I too did not get coverage for the recent work I did this summer (I've commented below). I spoke to my husband and we agreed we'd go into debt to fund it. Not ideal, but it has been worth it ten-fold. I don't appear to be triggered anymore. I've even been 'testing' myself over the last month. Mostly because I can't really believe it. I don't truly trust yet that it won't rear it's ugly head, but something happened with my brain. I do feel like I can finally start thinking about working again (which will be helpful for the debt I incurred). But for now, writing is the salve. I wish you well on your journey and especially writing your current book. I can only imagine how difficult it is with the long, ongoing trigger. Hugs to you from Canada. (I'll start catching up on your writing and upgrade my subscription to paid in support!) xo
I’m so moved by your story and that the work that you’ve done has had such a major impact. Thank you for sharing it with me. I wish you the best moving forward—you are brave and you are strong. Keep going. You’re doing great.
Right back at you!
Excellent post, Jennifer!
Thank you. Kind.
Great stuff! Have you heard of Neuroptimal? I wonder if it’s the same principle. In any case it’s helped me ax had Yoga Nidra. But k think I need a lot more neuroptimal sessions or to try neurofeedback. I have horrific medical and travel PTSD.
Jennifer, thank you for your beautiful and encouraging piece. I began doing neurofeedback in tangent with other physical neuro and physical modalities this fall. I sit and watch a Netflix show of my choice with electrodes on my scalp, and headphones that modulate the volume. When the laptop is set my brain records levels of inflammation shown by a few colored graph lines on the laptop. I'm 72, an adoptee, and hemorrhagic stroke suvivor (at 57). I recognize your trauma responses in myself. I, too put my stories on the page; memoirs about my stroke journey, and recently about my life as an adopted Air Force daughter. Memoir hasn't healed me, but has been a way to examine, release, and discover. I hope for good results with the therapies--it seems to be working. All the best to you!
Thank you for this share! It looks like you got lost in the abyss of Substack comments… And I’m only seeing it now. But again thank you so much for your share. And I’m so sorry for your suffering.
Yay! 'm so glad neurofeedback has been so effective for you, Jennifer! I looked into it when you told me about it last year but it costs and arm and a leg here so for now, I'm mediating. And writing of course. But the meditation has been incredibly helpful. I'm currently following Dr. Joe Dispenza's method and since I started its been like a spiritual water main has burst. Several relationship that weren't serving me fell away, I made seven (!) new female friends (which in the past was a rarity for me as I typically only allowed myself to get close to men), and best of all my writing has taken off. Weeeee!
I also recently met someone recently who's using nurofeedback to treat epilepsy. I'm very curious to hear how it goes. And I can't wait to try it someday!
Cost vs. reactive patterns that make me and everyone else around me unhappy? I went for the cost. It was worth every penny. : )
Whoa! Weird! I wrote this comment 8 months ago and forgot about it. Then last week my fiancé was talking to a neurofeedback practitioner that told him about a machine that is safe enough to rent and try on your own. Just yesterday we decided to go for it. Then this morning I asked for a synchronicity to let me know if I was on the right path. I open my email to this. Ask and you shall receive! :D
Man…be careful. Call Noel. I’ll get her number on back end…Tell her you’re a student of mine. Tell her what you’re going to do… And ask for her advice. I don’t want to tell you what to do but… I would be very careful. It’s your brain you’re dealing with.
The blessing for me was and still is medication; the right medication. In the 1970's this did not exist. Valium just made me sleepy. In 2005 however I weaned myself off because I felt great. Sure. I was great because of the medication. For a few months I was fine but slowly the anxiety, agoraphobia and panic returned like gangbusters. Definitely a period to write about. I came as close as I ever want to be to a nervous breakdown. I am so happy for you to have found what has helped you.
Thank you for this share and your honestly. I'm so glad that's working for you and you are at peace. Blessings. Blessings.
Thank you for the post. Amazing journey, much to think about.
Right? As soon as everything started changing, and so quickly, I was crafting this post in my mind. Gosh, I hope it helps. But it's hard to trust in this cynical world. I
Hi Jennifer.
It sounds like our spring, summer and fall mirrored each others. And results are same! I too started reading BKTS this Spring, started an intense 12 week CPT therapy (cognitive process therapy) with daily homework (June-September) followed by EMDR (one session in October.) I immediately felt the full effects of all the re-wiring of the summer after my EMDR session.
Isn’t magnificent to feel the calm and be able to function. It really does feel like a miracle. I’m so happy for you.
Yes! Kim, they say we are living the same lives. And it's odd because a comment like this makes me realize it's true. We are all on the same journey's to different degrees. I'm so happy for your own process. Bravo. Bravo.
Wow 😮 Jennifer. Remarkable. Mazeltov!
❤️
Hi Kelly: No I haven’t heard of Neuroptimal. I’m certain that there are all sorts of things out there that are spinning off of the primary creation. That’s the nature of it. But I do have two links on the website website and they are super helpful. I’ll add them here. These are the resources I would recommend.
Noel Thomas: https://www.drnoelthomas.com/neurofeedback
Bessel van der Kolk's research site: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UuST_ce7uNRqecsuzvU1sL-QjmbB-b-h/view