From explosive anger to calm reasoning. From sleepless nights to deep, uninterrupted sleep. Can healing be this simple? If you are a memoir writer, you are likely writing about trauma (as I have been doing most of my adult life). And you may have noticed that writing seems to trigger you, again and again, into the past...but there is a way to stop this cycle. Let me tell you how.
Wow. I tried to get my HMO to pay for neurofeedback for my PTSD, but they wouldn’t, and then I gave up. Writing my current book is a long, ongoing trigger. Maybe I’ll look into paying out-of-pocket once I’m in a more financially secure place. Thank you.
Esme, I'm touched that you would comment and share here. You have such a powerful gift as a writer but also such a powerful struggle with wellness in this life. It's heartbreaking to read about and when I do, I cannot help but think about my beloved daughter having to go through what you face and my sorrow is doubled. I also know that my heartbreak, no matter the size, is nothing compared to your reality. I can only say how very sorry I am. I was raised with an extraordinarily ill mother who had a dictionary sized medical file by the time she died. I have a tiny inkling of how challenging this path is for you (and those nearest). Neurofeedback is remarkable and there are ways to get around the cost (out of pocket). Crowd funding, working with the provider, prayer, but no matter what happens in that vein, I'm holding you in my heart as you journey forward. 💗 I will watch, read, and hope with and for your.
This is such a kind reply. It makes me feel less alone, and I thank you for that. You’re a special person, and your words are powerful ones. Thank you.
I am a new subscriber to your Substack Esme, so I am not familiar with your story yet. I have complex PTSD and I too did not get coverage for the recent work I did this summer (I've commented below). I spoke to my husband and we agreed we'd go into debt to fund it. Not ideal, but it has been worth it ten-fold. I don't appear to be triggered anymore. I've even been 'testing' myself over the last month. Mostly because I can't really believe it. I don't truly trust yet that it won't rear it's ugly head, but something happened with my brain. I do feel like I can finally start thinking about working again (which will be helpful for the debt I incurred). But for now, writing is the salve. I wish you well on your journey and especially writing your current book. I can only imagine how difficult it is with the long, ongoing trigger. Hugs to you from Canada. (I'll start catching up on your writing and upgrade my subscription to paid in support!) xo
I’m so moved by your story and that the work that you’ve done has had such a major impact. Thank you for sharing it with me. I wish you the best moving forward—you are brave and you are strong. Keep going. You’re doing great.
Yay! 'm so glad neurofeedback has been so effective for you, Jennifer! I looked into it when you told me about it last year but it costs and arm and a leg here so for now, I'm mediating. And writing of course. But the meditation has been incredibly helpful. I'm currently following Dr. Joe Dispenza's method and since I started its been like a spiritual water main has burst. Several relationship that weren't serving me fell away, I made seven (!) new female friends (which in the past was a rarity for me as I typically only allowed myself to get close to men), and best of all my writing has taken off. Weeeee!
I also recently met someone recently who's using nurofeedback to treat epilepsy. I'm very curious to hear how it goes. And I can't wait to try it someday!
The blessing for me was and still is medication; the right medication. In the 1970's this did not exist. Valium just made me sleepy. In 2005 however I weaned myself off because I felt great. Sure. I was great because of the medication. For a few months I was fine but slowly the anxiety, agoraphobia and panic returned like gangbusters. Definitely a period to write about. I came as close as I ever want to be to a nervous breakdown. I am so happy for you to have found what has helped you.
Right? As soon as everything started changing, and so quickly, I was crafting this post in my mind. Gosh, I hope it helps. But it's hard to trust in this cynical world. I
It sounds like our spring, summer and fall mirrored each others. And results are same! I too started reading BKTS this Spring, started an intense 12 week CPT therapy (cognitive process therapy) with daily homework (June-September) followed by EMDR (one session in October.) I immediately felt the full effects of all the re-wiring of the summer after my EMDR session.
Isn’t magnificent to feel the calm and be able to function. It really does feel like a miracle. I’m so happy for you.
Yes! Kim, they say we are living the same lives. And it's odd because a comment like this makes me realize it's true. We are all on the same journey's to different degrees. I'm so happy for your own process. Bravo. Bravo.
Jennifer, thank you for your beautiful and encouraging piece. I began doing neurofeedback in tangent with other physical neuro and physical modalities this fall. I sit and watch a Netflix show of my choice with electrodes on my scalp, and headphones that modulate the volume. When the laptop is set my brain records levels of inflammation shown by a few colored graph lines on the laptop. I'm 72, an adoptee, and hemorrhagic stroke suvivor (at 57). I recognize your trauma responses in myself. I, too put my stories on the page; memoirs about my stroke journey, and recently about my life as an adopted Air Force daughter. Memoir hasn't healed me, but has been a way to examine, release, and discover. I hope for good results with the therapies--it seems to be working. All the best to you!
Wow. I tried to get my HMO to pay for neurofeedback for my PTSD, but they wouldn’t, and then I gave up. Writing my current book is a long, ongoing trigger. Maybe I’ll look into paying out-of-pocket once I’m in a more financially secure place. Thank you.
Esme, I'm touched that you would comment and share here. You have such a powerful gift as a writer but also such a powerful struggle with wellness in this life. It's heartbreaking to read about and when I do, I cannot help but think about my beloved daughter having to go through what you face and my sorrow is doubled. I also know that my heartbreak, no matter the size, is nothing compared to your reality. I can only say how very sorry I am. I was raised with an extraordinarily ill mother who had a dictionary sized medical file by the time she died. I have a tiny inkling of how challenging this path is for you (and those nearest). Neurofeedback is remarkable and there are ways to get around the cost (out of pocket). Crowd funding, working with the provider, prayer, but no matter what happens in that vein, I'm holding you in my heart as you journey forward. 💗 I will watch, read, and hope with and for your.
This is such a kind reply. It makes me feel less alone, and I thank you for that. You’re a special person, and your words are powerful ones. Thank you.
I am a new subscriber to your Substack Esme, so I am not familiar with your story yet. I have complex PTSD and I too did not get coverage for the recent work I did this summer (I've commented below). I spoke to my husband and we agreed we'd go into debt to fund it. Not ideal, but it has been worth it ten-fold. I don't appear to be triggered anymore. I've even been 'testing' myself over the last month. Mostly because I can't really believe it. I don't truly trust yet that it won't rear it's ugly head, but something happened with my brain. I do feel like I can finally start thinking about working again (which will be helpful for the debt I incurred). But for now, writing is the salve. I wish you well on your journey and especially writing your current book. I can only imagine how difficult it is with the long, ongoing trigger. Hugs to you from Canada. (I'll start catching up on your writing and upgrade my subscription to paid in support!) xo
I’m so moved by your story and that the work that you’ve done has had such a major impact. Thank you for sharing it with me. I wish you the best moving forward—you are brave and you are strong. Keep going. You’re doing great.
Right back at you!
Excellent post, Jennifer!
Thank you. Kind.
Yay! 'm so glad neurofeedback has been so effective for you, Jennifer! I looked into it when you told me about it last year but it costs and arm and a leg here so for now, I'm mediating. And writing of course. But the meditation has been incredibly helpful. I'm currently following Dr. Joe Dispenza's method and since I started its been like a spiritual water main has burst. Several relationship that weren't serving me fell away, I made seven (!) new female friends (which in the past was a rarity for me as I typically only allowed myself to get close to men), and best of all my writing has taken off. Weeeee!
I also recently met someone recently who's using nurofeedback to treat epilepsy. I'm very curious to hear how it goes. And I can't wait to try it someday!
The blessing for me was and still is medication; the right medication. In the 1970's this did not exist. Valium just made me sleepy. In 2005 however I weaned myself off because I felt great. Sure. I was great because of the medication. For a few months I was fine but slowly the anxiety, agoraphobia and panic returned like gangbusters. Definitely a period to write about. I came as close as I ever want to be to a nervous breakdown. I am so happy for you to have found what has helped you.
Thank you for this share and your honestly. I'm so glad that's working for you and you are at peace. Blessings. Blessings.
Thank you for the post. Amazing journey, much to think about.
Right? As soon as everything started changing, and so quickly, I was crafting this post in my mind. Gosh, I hope it helps. But it's hard to trust in this cynical world. I
Hi Jennifer.
It sounds like our spring, summer and fall mirrored each others. And results are same! I too started reading BKTS this Spring, started an intense 12 week CPT therapy (cognitive process therapy) with daily homework (June-September) followed by EMDR (one session in October.) I immediately felt the full effects of all the re-wiring of the summer after my EMDR session.
Isn’t magnificent to feel the calm and be able to function. It really does feel like a miracle. I’m so happy for you.
Yes! Kim, they say we are living the same lives. And it's odd because a comment like this makes me realize it's true. We are all on the same journey's to different degrees. I'm so happy for your own process. Bravo. Bravo.
Wow 😮 Jennifer. Remarkable. Mazeltov!
❤️
Jennifer, thank you for your beautiful and encouraging piece. I began doing neurofeedback in tangent with other physical neuro and physical modalities this fall. I sit and watch a Netflix show of my choice with electrodes on my scalp, and headphones that modulate the volume. When the laptop is set my brain records levels of inflammation shown by a few colored graph lines on the laptop. I'm 72, an adoptee, and hemorrhagic stroke suvivor (at 57). I recognize your trauma responses in myself. I, too put my stories on the page; memoirs about my stroke journey, and recently about my life as an adopted Air Force daughter. Memoir hasn't healed me, but has been a way to examine, release, and discover. I hope for good results with the therapies--it seems to be working. All the best to you!