Q&A from Subscribers

Open Mic 🎤 to get readers of FS on the stage and talking

This“off the schedule” post was inspired by the Sept. 18. Check that out here. We discuss what happens when I'm stalled, legal issues, taking our time with our stories...do we have to and why?

Sep 18

Laurel writes:

Well ... this is a great post and really hits home for me. I have been working on developing my characters and your tips will be most helpful.

Also, your post brings me to a question that is seriously distracting me right now, as I read about your first memoir 'agent/publishing' experience. The 'buzz building' included lawyers, among others and I'm wondering if they discussed with you the possibility of backlash from others who did not 'remember' the same as you, or like what you wrote about them, and what advice they had for you.

I recently read an article about how we can be sued by people we write about in our memoirs. I for one, have a cast of characters that include wife beater, kleptomaniac, and sex addict. I have cleverly (I think) given them names that are not really names, but rather character identifying 'monikers', but of course they are identifiable to any who knows me, or them.

After reading the article ... I have settled into a funk, (actually stopped writing, only processing) thinking I can't possibly publish my memoir because I could certainly be sued!

I'd love to hear your thoughts/comments. And thanks again for your major contribution to our memoir learnings.

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A Stall in the Writing:

I never like to hear that a writer stops writing (though I stop all the time to walk, garden, cry, bake a loaf of banana nut bread which I then sit down and eat in one sitting, or knit!) But it seems unreasonable not to stop now and again. This is the art form of looking back with new eyes and a more tender heart. It is a practice of deep contemplation, too. Stopping to think about things is part of the process.

But falling into a funk is something else. Now, for Laurel, she’s processing. So…okay…that’s fine, but I wanted to get in here because a funk is vital to discuss.

“Do I have a right to tell my story?” we often ask ourselves. Then comes the next question, “What if they come after me?” And then comes that sinking feeling in our gut followed by depression or anxiety. We slide into a funk or a stall, and worse, we might consider giving it all up (or that we should write fiction instead).

For a long time, I’d ignore my funks/stalls/impulses to quit because I told myself, “Jesus H on a popsicle stick, Jennifer, you’ve done the therapy, you’ve worked on this stuff for years…get over it.”

Not super helpful.

That’s my hard-ass personality, the one that helped me survive the past, which is more than happy to bully me into “thinking” I should feel differently than I do.

But I’ve learned that the quickest way to emerge from a funk is to feel what I feel and do so with tender acceptance. Sounds easy, I know. But it’s not. It’s the most challenging work I’ve ever done. And sometimes, I have to do it hourly.

I happen to love the Welcoming Prayer for this kind of thing. I don’t use it near often enough or fast enough, and I know, I know, the Christian tone can put some people off, but I might tenderly suggest you replace the word “God” with something else: Is-ness, as Fr. Thomas Keating called it. Or The Divine. Or Presence. Or Life. Or love. And then get going because this is not about a particular faith; it’s about accepting your humanity and asking for a bit of help! Plus, it works.

What are the legal ramifications of a memoir?

It’s true. People can sue you. It happens. But in the United States, they have to prove a couple of things: Intent to cause harm and actual harm in the form of a loss of reputation or income, which are tough to prove in a court. They are expensive things to prove as well. To sue you, they must find a lawyer who will take the case, pay that lawyer (who will not be cheap), and pull together a mountain of documentation. And they will have to come after you, a writer, who often has very little to give at the end of the day. I suppose they can take my gardening sheers, but I’m hardly a wealthy woman. I’m a writer! Writers are notoriously broke. Good luck, I say. Sue away.

I don’t mean to make light of this, but when you think about it carefully, you see it’s one of those cart-before-the-horses worries. I say worry when you get there. Welcome the worry now, and get back to the desk.

BUT…for the sake of a good question, let me go a step further…

Twenty years ago, with my first memoir, I was told by the lawyers at S&S to change the names, identifying features, and even the geography of where I lived with certain people to avoid any claim of malice or harm. I had to take one character and turn her into two and take two characters and merge them into one. And, I had to push down a mountain of stories about some pretty stunning abuse (mental and sexual of adults and children) because it happened in a powerful church with deep pockets and a history of harassing and suing anyone who spoke out against their underhanded-goings-on.

All these legal changes were made after my book was sold and in the publication process. And yes, I made them. And yes, they changed aspects of the book. And yes, later, they created problems because one person in the book decided to claim that I was “lying” because of all those changes. S&S then told me to admit I was “lying” to calm this guy down. You can only imagine how I hit the ceiling about that. “You told me to make those changes that make me a so-called liar,” I said to the folks over at S&S, who promptly backed off and said, “Oh yeah, we forgot.”

It was not discussed again. The guy finally backed off—the end.

The bottom line, it can get crazy out there. Once your book is off your desk and part of the publishing system, many things will happen—including reactions to your work—that you will never be able to anticipate no matter how much you try to prepare.

So again, the best you can do is tell YOUR truth. Cue the reader as you go, which I wrote about here. And, when you get to the point of acquiring an agent and then a publisher, listen to what they have to say because the laws and rules change year to year. Case law shifts, as do policies.

As I recall, Laurel, your book is a beautiful and quiet contemplation of a woman on a journey out of abuse and into love…so carry on. You will get the legal protection and support you need when you need it because publishers have no interest in getting sued either. They’ll cover you because they want to protect themselves.

I hope that helps!

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Sep 19

Skylark writes: "It's not your book, its ours." Oof. That must have been rough. I would have felt like I just sold off my child. So I guess the take away here is to simply take your time? Ensure your baby is ready to stand on its own, etc. Personally, I find impatience to be the hardest part of writing but, this is a good reminder.

And in regards to character. I'm glad to know I'm not crazy. I recently revisited my antagonistic force and realized he felt flat. Then I realized I didn't yet love him. I couldn't see his pain as sharply as I could see mine (*cough*, sorry, I mean the "protagonists." But, who am I kidding? I'm basically writing a memoir disguised as a novel.) It complicates and slows down the process to find love for everyone you write about but I guess, in that way, writing is the ultimate meditation. No wonder it takes forever. Staying present and finding love for those who are seemingly unlovable are both (at least for me) fleeting experiences.

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Take your time?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Take your time. And don’t quit your day job.

Writing is a long-haul art form, and Skylark is dead on about this attitude of accepting that it takes the time it takes. She’s also right about this inner anxiety to finish. We are all eager to be done because writing is: 1) hard, 2) complicated, 3) confusing, 4) never perfect, and 5) painful, particularly if we are writing about ourselves (even if we disguise it as fiction).

My book went out fast (and before it was sculpted one more time) because I told myself a story: “If I don’t sell this book and make money, my husband is going to dump me.” But, I also believed that my editor at S&S would help me shape it. That was a secret fantasy I also carried in my mind: “One day, I’ll meet my other half in the form of the perfect editor, and we’ll be great friends, and she’ll be wise, and well read and a brilliant craftswoman eager to help me fashion a book that will blow both of our minds.” I even believed that this “amazing editor” would be with me for the length of my career.

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 (Hold on a moment while I pick myself up off the floor for how hard I’m laughing…Okay..I’m back).

Now, look…there is a chance you’ll get a dream editor, but most publishers are not investing in the editorial process or writer/editor relationship anymore. They don’t have the budgets. They want near-perfect and publishable books.

We now must be excellent writers and great editors, too (or we have to find and pay those great editors). Some literary agents will help, but in my experience, most agents (even if they were professional editors at publishing houses before) possess a limited understanding of story. Check this out by asking a few agents you meet to explain plot to you, antagonistic forces, or structure. And listen close. If they don’t get the basics of story, do not let them edit your work. You’ll spend years being led by the blind and by an agenda the agent has, which is to “sell what’s hot now.” Bad plan. What’s hot changes with the wind. You’ll change your book a million times to satisfy this agent and likely be rejected by publishers anyway. This has happened to me three times. With three different agents.

Please don’t do it.

Take your time. Write your book as best you can. And, search out the best writing and then editorial advice you can afford (hello, come to Blackbird to study), and finally, know your book well enough that when someone comes along and wants you to change a core aspect of it, you can argue the case to keep it as you wrote it. Do not get bullied into changing your work for someone’s momentary whim. And the best way not to let that happen is back to where we started…take your time.

But not too long! 😉

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Thanks to both of these terrific writers for commenting and asking great questions. I hope the answers were helpful.

See you guys on Sunday!

~ Jennifer, 🍎