How to create moments readers can live inside. Learn the essential building block of great memoir, featuring a practical tool that transforms good writing into unforgettable storytelling. Plus, discover why mastering scene is the key to moving from reporting to art.
Hi Jennifer, thanks for your response. I feel the first paragraph of my second version, because of referencing the SRC, adds more creative imagery for my reader. In the second paragraph I did some of the same, having already indicated Alberta specifically, I added the drip, drip 'sound' of snow melting off the roof (familiar to anyone who has heard the sound of melting snow or falling rain). And my last paragraph (one line) sets the stage for something more, encouraging the reader to read on?
Nice. Great. This is where it begins then...you are "thinking" about your work and seeing the influence of the SRC on the work. Good. And a thought I have in reading/re-reading is to start with the last line. Without the first section...so like this;
He had gone to Mexico and left me behind.
Location now
Description of self and action in that location.
What is trickiest in this situation is that the narrator is alone (no other to ping off of) and defaults to thought processes, but see if this suggestion appeals. See what happens.
It was the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I’d spent four days in my flannel pyjamas, scrapbooking, sipping coffee with Baileys Irish Cream and inhaling copious amounts of Marijuana; one squelching anxiety, the other enhancing creativity.
The warm, dry wind from the Pacific Ocean traversed the Rocky Mountains, cooled and warmed again to bring a Chinook to southern Alberta. It’s a phenomenon they say. The rapid and drastic temperature change overnight created the tell-tale arch and the welcome sound of melting snow dripping from the roof.
I might have been depressed, he’d gone to Mexico and left me behind.
After:
It was the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Early morning sunshine bounced off the crystal tree ornaments creating mini rainbows across the glistening hardwood floor. I’d spent four days scrapbooking in flannel pyjamas and fuzzy slippers as I sipped coffee with Baileys Irish Cream and inhaled copious amounts of Marijuana; one squelching anxiety, the other enhancing creativity.
The warm, dry wind from the Pacific Ocean traversed the Rocky Mountains, cooled and warmed again to bring a Chinook to southern Alberta. It’s a phenomenon they say. The rapid and drastic temperature change overnight created the tell-tale arch in the western sky and the welcome drip, drip sound of snow melting off the roof.
I might have been depressed, he’d gone to Mexico and left me behind.
Hi Laurel...I have thoughts to be sure, but it's often like a "first date" when I meet a person's writing at this stage. The best first question this is of you...what do you think of the first and second version? What do you feel changed as a result of the SRC?
Hi Jennifer, thanks for your response. I feel the first paragraph of my second version, because of referencing the SRC, adds more creative imagery for my reader. In the second paragraph I did some of the same, having already indicated Alberta specifically, I added the drip, drip 'sound' of snow melting off the roof (familiar to anyone who has heard the sound of melting snow or falling rain). And my last paragraph (one line) sets the stage for something more, encouraging the reader to read on?
Nice. Great. This is where it begins then...you are "thinking" about your work and seeing the influence of the SRC on the work. Good. And a thought I have in reading/re-reading is to start with the last line. Without the first section...so like this;
He had gone to Mexico and left me behind.
Location now
Description of self and action in that location.
What is trickiest in this situation is that the narrator is alone (no other to ping off of) and defaults to thought processes, but see if this suggestion appeals. See what happens.
PS: Well done being brave and posting in the comments. We are NOT alone here but memoir writers are notoriously "shy"
Here's my attempt:
Before:
It was the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I’d spent four days in my flannel pyjamas, scrapbooking, sipping coffee with Baileys Irish Cream and inhaling copious amounts of Marijuana; one squelching anxiety, the other enhancing creativity.
The warm, dry wind from the Pacific Ocean traversed the Rocky Mountains, cooled and warmed again to bring a Chinook to southern Alberta. It’s a phenomenon they say. The rapid and drastic temperature change overnight created the tell-tale arch and the welcome sound of melting snow dripping from the roof.
I might have been depressed, he’d gone to Mexico and left me behind.
After:
It was the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Early morning sunshine bounced off the crystal tree ornaments creating mini rainbows across the glistening hardwood floor. I’d spent four days scrapbooking in flannel pyjamas and fuzzy slippers as I sipped coffee with Baileys Irish Cream and inhaled copious amounts of Marijuana; one squelching anxiety, the other enhancing creativity.
The warm, dry wind from the Pacific Ocean traversed the Rocky Mountains, cooled and warmed again to bring a Chinook to southern Alberta. It’s a phenomenon they say. The rapid and drastic temperature change overnight created the tell-tale arch in the western sky and the welcome drip, drip sound of snow melting off the roof.
I might have been depressed, he’d gone to Mexico and left me behind.
Hi Laurel...I have thoughts to be sure, but it's often like a "first date" when I meet a person's writing at this stage. The best first question this is of you...what do you think of the first and second version? What do you feel changed as a result of the SRC?