The Gatekeeper of Permission

What do you deny yourself? What have you been denied?

An Open Mic 🎤exploration of how the notion of permission extends beyond the tangible and seeps into the way we express ourselves, our habits, our fears, and even the stories we tell ourselves.

Welcome back to Flight School:

A couple of weeks ago

Jeannine Ouellette

pulled together a salon along the lines of “Permission.” I immediately went to work making a list about the lack of permission that has informed much of my life—permission denied either by an actual authority (mother/father/brother/husband) or by societal implication and/or collective agreement.

I had no plan, none at all, to share that list. It was mostly a writing fancy that led to writing A Brush with Death, a story I had long ago denied myself permission to write because it was too scary to go back and remember that ill-fated day (and I worried he might find me again).

Then

Courtney Maum

wrote this brave confessional post about her long-time relationship with red wine 🍷, and I got to thinking about courage because look at her giving herself permission to write, honestly, about drinking habits. I mean, that took guts!

There I was circling back around to permission again: What is it we give ourselves permission to do, to talk about, to admit? And what does denying ourselves such actions, conversations, and truths mean? What is lost to us in that denial?

Yes, I’m meandering a bit here, but really what I’m trying to do (I hope) is invite you to ponder permission for yourself.

Britannica Dictionary definition of PERMISSION

: the right or ability to do something that is given by someone who has the power to decide if it will be allowed or permitted

They got/received permission from the city to build an apartment complex.

The teacher gave me her permission to go home early.

He asked (for) my permission to paint his room.

You have my permission.

Image by Kyle Glenn via Unsplash

Taking a sip of red wine and holding my head high, I’ll push through the barrier and get our Open Mic 🎤 started:

Permission denied at childhood

You cannot…

…speak too loudly. 

…play. 

…make a mess. 

…ask questions.

…stop worrying over your sick mother. 

…go outside.

…complain. 

…make a mistake. 

…forgive yourself when she overdoses on your watch because, like your father said, it was and always will be, your fault. 

…ask for forgiveness, even from God.

…be redeemed.

Permission denied oneself in early adulthood

You cannot…

…let your guard down.

…trust anyone. 

…stop pushing toward success (whatever that means). 

…be less than the best, the smartest, the prettiest, the slimmest, the most fit. 

Permission denied during marriage

You cannot expect him to…

…talk to you. 

…hold your hand. 

…understand your perspective. 

…say he’s sorry. 

…thank you for helping him achieve all his goals. 

…appreciate you earn as much (if not more) than him, while also taking care of the kids, the house, the garden, the shopping and the finances. 

…tell the truth to all your friends (and his family) about why you left. 

Permission given in old age

You can…

…speak up and with courage.  

…make a mess. 

…ask questions.

…stop worrying.  

…go outside and play. 

…try and fail as many times as you like.

…be forgiven.

…find redemption.

…enjoy your freedom and this blessed, hard-won solitude.

Your Turn 🎤:

What permissions have you been denied? What permissions you have been given?

Can you give yourself permission to post these in the comments?

Thanks for being here, and giving it some thought.

~ Jennifer