Embraced, Understood, Harmonized
An Exclusive Writing Lab on the memoir writers journey toward "finished."
18 ways you know you are truly on the other side and how long it takes
Hi and welcome in:
As I wrote last week, processing is part of the process. A necessary part. I might suggest that the only reason we are truly “called” to write a memoir is to process certain lived experiences fully. Otherwise, we might as well write fiction, right? I mean…who needs the hassle of writing a memoir anyway? It’s difficult, tiresome, slow, and doesn’t get much respect out in the world. Truth be told, most people we know would prefer we knock it off already and write something else…something funny, freaky, quirky…something that they can read to “get away” from the more painful aspects of life.
And yet, here we are, called to do this memoir-thing, or better said, this processing-through-story-thing which means you turn toward the experience, face it fully (and more so when you write in scene and cut way back on the mental gymnastics of explaining this or that), and you wrap your arms around whatever ails you. You say, “Okay. I agree to feel this.”
You’re Meant to Move Through Processing
When you write, re-write, rest and re-write a bit more, you’ll eventually reach a place where you have moved to the other side.
In my years of doing this work and mid-wife-ing others through it, I’ve found it feels a bit like this:
Being reborn.
Weary but also calm (like that calm after a long storm).
You don’t have a lot more to say about it.
All the fight, fury, and mental machinations have…stopped.
There’s a slightly “victorious” sense, but it’s not a jump-up and down feeling. It’s more tender than that. It’s a “finishing a long, difficult race” sense.
You notice a strange sadness within, but in a place that cannot be touched.
There’s a new humility.
You notice beauty in simple things.
You feel done.
You don’t need to say a damn thing about it anymore.
Your writing about your experience is gorgeous in its elegance, simplicity, and clarity.
All of this means you’re near or on the other side. You are no longer running from whatever broke your heart. It’s in the rearview mirror now. Better said, it’s been integrated and metabolized. It’s a part of you, but it doesn’t need to wave a flag or announce itself anymore. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, either. You don’t need to get up on your high horse or wish that someone would see you and how much you’ve suffered. You don’t need to do anything. It’s just…done.
And (to expand the above list):
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