How Badly Do You Want Publication?

Behind the Scenes on what an author (often) needs to cross that finish line

Getting the news my agent isn’t advocating for my work, making decisions on what comes next, and exhaustion when pursuing the holy grail of publication. Plus, an open mic prompt! 🎤

“You are going to have to find a different agent,” Kim told me on the phone. We were now months away from the book's release, the schedule on the edge of being locked down.

I was just back home from yet another Mommy and Me class (these were simply impossible to avoid in my early days of motherhood) and had just walked in the back door with a tired and cranky boy on my hip.

I had planned to get Spencer down for a nap and slip in front of the computer for a couple of hours of quiet writing time. Instead, I plopped him on the kitchen floor and opened the cabinet doors.

“The legal revision has been approved. That’s great,” Kim continued while I lowered to sit in the kitchen nook, an eye on Spencer and a notepad and pen ready.

Through the line, my friend and editor sounded weary while trying not to sound that way. It was rare and thus concerning when her perpetual bubble of optimism thinned. “But now…the marketing people are hearing that the book buyers and booksellers need the ending and subtitle changed.”

Two questions: What does this have to do with my agent? Can people who sell books do that? Determine content?

“These people are the narrow end of the funnel,” Kim said. “They make or break a book.”

“I thought that was reviewers.”

“We can overcome bad reviews. These folks are on the street, in the stores. If they don’t like a book, they won’t present it, and we’re dead.”

I wrote the word DEAD on the pad and set my pen down.

Across the room, poor Spence looked about dead himself. Since I put him in front of the cabinets, his favorite place to pass a few minutes, he had pulled out the food processor components (not the blade, obviously). He fitted them together with his usual puzzle-solving attentiveness. But he now looked at me like, “Hello? A nap?”

"I need to think about this,” I said, on my way to set a time to talk later, but Kim stopped me to say there was more, which included international interest in the UK and Canada, and how there was a stall between Rita (my literary agent) and the Foreign Rights department. I gave Spencer that universal “one more minute” gesture that went over so well with toddlers and picked up my pen. International interest. That was good.

It was excellent, Kim agreed, but the stall had something to do with a certain lack of enthusiasm in that Rita didn’t seem interested in pursuing foreign rights. Wasn’t returning calls or something. I couldn’t follow it. But in my head came a memory of her tepid response from the beginning. Something to the effect of “I doubt it will go far.”

SIDEBAR: Last week, I posted on the misrepresentation and legal issues surrounding our “true stories,” so let me be exceedingly clear right now that I don’t remember the specifics of Rita’s disinterest to the point I could testify in court. Even dates elude me all these years later, but the situation did fit together in my mind at the time. She had initially shown no interest in the book, made several comments about the early interest being a “fluke,” and now this. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Kim was likely right. If my agent wasn’t entirely behind my book…we had a problem.

“We need a hard hitter,” Kim said. “Someone who can move fast. Who gets the foreign rights side of things and the incredible potential….”

Spencer half-heartedly tugged out the juicer but then tossed it aside with a clatter of plastic, shoved to stand, and unsteadily crossed the kitchen to where I sat. Crawling onto my lap, he leaned into my chest and soon breathed deeply—the surrender of sleep.

How I wish I had known how fast these moments with him would go. How I wish I hadn’t been so utterly occupied with the whole fever of being published as some measure of worth or value. But only in hindsight do we see our failings. At the time, I thanked the gods for the fact that he hadn’t melted down and was asleep and resumed writing feverish notes.

“How do I do this?” I finally asked Kim. “How do I find another agent now?”

I want to say my situation was unique and that most books sail effortlessly from acquisition to publication ⛵️⛵️⛵️. But that is not my experience and hasn’t been the experience of my students, peers, or teachers. Like life offers a series of complications and obstacles, publishing a book is the same. Think of hiking the Camino de Santiago, and you are getting close.

A message on the Camino…there’s a teaching there…

And this is consistent with how few books get out there. For example, about 300,000 books were published via traditional methods (an editor, a publisher, a release date, promotion teams, etc.) when Blackbird was released. And that seems to continue to be the case. The numbers have blown up due to “reprint houses specializing in public domain works and by presses catering to self-publishers and ‘micro-niche' publications.” For instance, according to the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization, the number of books published in 2021 was two million but again, 1.7 million were by the above and 300,000-ish were from traditional methods. This helps you see that a tiny percentage of people get published, a teeny tiny percentage of those people see their book sell well, and a teeny tiny minuscule number make it onto major bestseller lists. The typical USA bravado and bluster has us say otherwise, that any yahoo can get a book out there and hit the NYT list, but again…no. That isn’t the case.

I could tell stories about books to be released and pulled at the last minute. About editors who quit mid-way to publication, went off to have a baby, got married, or relocated to a different country. About writers forced to change their plot, add a character that ruined their book, and/or re-write their book in a different genre with the potential hope of a deal only to be rejected after said re-write. I went out with a novel last year and was nearly picked up by a major press, but only if I killed all but two of the characters, rewrote the entire thing, and provided a cohesive outline within twenty-four hours. Chop. Chop. What’s the problem? I rushed, scrambled, outlined, and was told, “Oh well, ho hum. I don’t have time to work on this after all. Buh bye.”

The best you can do is gird yourself for this reality and if this is something you want, really, really want, then prepare yourself, evolve your capacity for deep patience, get a great team together and go…come what may.

I’ve never regretted my years of immersion in the publication world. From 2000-2014, I was pretty busy:

Found: A Memoir, Berkeley, CA: Seal Press, 2011.

Show Me the Way: A Memoir in Stories, New York: Atria, 2003.

Still Waters: A Memoir, New York: Washington Square Press, 2001.

Blackbird: A Childhood Lost & Found, New York: Pocketbooks, 2000.

Published Essays & Articles: 

The One Year Marriage, Norton Anthology, September 2014 

Let it Bee, Shambala Sun, November 2011

Right Here with You, Bringing Mindful Awareness into Our Relationships, Andrea Miller, Editor: Boston, MA, Shambala Press, 2011.

Four Ways to Manage Fear, Huffington Post, Mar. 16, 2011

Forgive the Unforgivable, Huffington Post, Mar. 12, 2011

Super Daughters, Super Powers, Huffington Post, Mar. 6, 2011

The Memoir Dilemma, Huffington Post, Feb. 21, 2011

Adoption Myth Buster, Huffington Post, Feb. 13, 2011

Abducted versus Adopted, Huffington Post, Feb. 9, 2011

Best Buddhist Writing 2007, Melvin McLeod, Editor, Boston, MA: Shambala Press, 2007. 

Reentry, Buddha Dharma, Spring, 2007

It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters, Andrea Buchanan, Editor, Berkeley, CA: Seal Press, 2006

It’s a Boy, Women Writers on Raising Sons, Andrea Buchanan, Editor, Berkeley, CA: Seal Press, 2005

September 11:  West Coast Writers Approach Ground Zero, Jeff Meyers, Editor, Portland, OR: Hawthorn Literary Arts, 2002

But I did wear out. I did…so to speak…hang up the desire for publication like a dancer hangs up her pointe shoes, a singer puts down the microphone, or a football player finally accepts retirement. My reasons are many and likely will be part of a future post, but a significant reason was the world of publishing and the wild journey from initial sale to publication.

I also learned a great deal about my character during the “busy” years. I learned that I was not patient. Not at all. A couple of times, I raged at poor Kim while she worked like hell to talk me off the ledge of whatever cliff I was about to throw myself off.

But this conversation about getting a different agent wasn’t that conversation. This conversation was mostly good news. The book was being read. Yes, I was going to have to think about changing the end and the subtitle. And most of all, I needed to figure out how to recruit a better quarterback to pick up the ball and run it skillfully into the end zone. (🏈🏈🏈 Sorry for the lame analogy, but there you have it). We needed more oomph than we had. We needed someone who was entirely “on the team,” and for whatever reason, my first agent wasn’t that person.

Back to the question: “How do I find another agent now?”

“You don’t,” Kim said. “We’ll take it from here. We have a shortlist. Got your pen?”

I did. Stretching around the form of my sleeping son, who smelled of banana and sweat and yeast, my hand shook as I wrote and my eyes brimmed. These were not tears of joy, mind you, but of terror. What if these outstanding agents, women who represented the very best authors of our time, hated the book, too?

“They won’t,” Kim said, promised. “Not now. You’ve got an entire house, international interest, and industry buzz behind you. Don’t worry about that part. Your job now will be to talk to Rita and give her the news.”

(Go directly to the next post on the Blackbird journey now).

Your Turn:

Take a minute and write down ten reasons you want to publish. Quick. Before you think about it. Then go and post in the comment section.

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Thank you for being with me on the journey, and remember, subscribe and share. I appreciate the support.

~ Jennifer, 🍎