Breadcrumbs on a Starvation Trail ~ Pt. 1
Exclusive Writing Lab on making a list of ten things that happened to you
Both a Behind the Scenes post of making promises you might not be able to keep about your writing ambitions and an Exclusive Writing Lab exercise that will change your life
Hi and welcome:
In my last post, I had been given a nod by Mr. Steady…not so much a blessing to write a memoir, but a “Why not?” after I had pretty much assured him I could sell it. Not that I could, but that I would.
It’s difficult enough to feel the intense emotions that will inevitably bubble up as a result of simply journaling about one’s life, but writing a memoir and selling it? Was I out of my mind?
Yes. I believe I was completely whacked out. Bad idea. Bad plan. Too much pressure. Waaayyy too much pressure. These are the warnings issued from the woman I’ve become today, but the younger version of myself wasn’t paying any attention to her future self. That younger version of Jennifer Had Something To Prove! She was going to Show The World.
But what the hell was I going to show anyway? That I had some value? Worth?
Sadly, yes. And, yes.
As soon as dinner was made, eaten, and the dishes done, I went to work re-configuring my path. My dossier-style news report was lifted from the shadows of the file cabinet. Journals filled with all those pesky emotions were yanked down and dusted off. Online, my university credits were converted. And I placated my Conflict Resolution studies advisor with a cup of coffee and an ultrasound photo of my gestating baby. Of course, I couldn’t be a student in his program. Not now. A baby was coming. But I could write (and sell) a memoir? Ha! Nice pretzel logic, Jennifer.
No matter.
I got on my way toward writing that first memoir by attending a series of classes: Creative Writing. The Memoir, 101. Women Studies with an emphasis on female authors over history. There I sat, growing rounder by the day while the baby cooked, a pen at the ready, a pile of required reading tucked into my pack, and a notebook open where I intended to write down every ounce of wisdom.
What do I remember from those months?
Nothing.
Seriously.
Nothing.
Okay. That’s not true.
I remember two things:
One, a teacher who had read pages I submitted (what they were about, I cannot tell you, but I suspect they were the opening pages of my first memoir), wrote: This is the real thing.
I know it seems like almost nothing, breadcrumbs on a starvation trail, but roll back a few paragraphs. Was I not suffering from a sense that I had no value? No worth? Yes. Of course. Why else would I agree to do the impossible…not for myself…but for the approval and acceptance of my husband? Eeks! Wasn’t the fact that we were married and had exchanged vows to love and honor one another through sickness and health enough? Apparently not. Apparently, I felt so worthless that I would make a Herculean promise to this man, my husband, and in response, he’d merely shrug.
Without getting into the health of marriage…let me point out the necessity of these particular words: This is the real thing. This teacher, in her compassion and kindness, told me exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. Or, what I was capable of hearing because I am certain other teachings were handed down in those months of study. I’m certain they were good too. Still, those five words became five blessings. More so, because they had been written by a published author. To me, who had published nothing. This published author-teacher had taken the time to call my work the real thing. Translation, I was real.
Okay, again, that I needed a published writer to tell me I was “real” is another issue that points to my mental health…but let’s set that aside for now too. I’ll never forget her lesson. And, I honor her when reading the work of others. If the writing is powerful, if the writer is gifted and breaking through artistically, I write those words on their pages, too. Not because they are real but because their work is getting more and more real. Translation: More true. More powerful. More…honest.
(Go directly to the next post on the Blackbird journey now).
The next lesson had three parts and I am going to pass one of them on to you now.
Paid subscribers, thank you and read on.
Everyone else, I invite you to become a paid subscriber which means the world to a working writer, like me. Plus, you get to continue on with this terrific teaching. 🤗
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Flight School with Jennifer Lauck to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.